information absorbtion

Hello, this is my first integration, so I hope that I am doing this properly. I was glowing when I first received the letter from the society teling me about how special I am and how I have been carefully selected to become a member. It has been quite a process up to this point where now I have experienced my first meeting. I am under the impression that absorbing the material is of the utmost importance, but I want to admit that the doing has not been an easy task. I feel like I have a very vague grasp on the concepts, but I have not integrated these techniques into my daily life as of yet, which could be an explanation for my lack of full understanding(Quote from Leo Buscaglia “To know and to not do is to not know”). Anyway, regarding the meeting, I would consider myself to be a “playful” individual, but I am not focused on my friday-night essence. There are many things that I enjoy to do and create, but some of the things that I create I do not have the faith that there is any value in it to anyone but myself, which brings guilt as if I am commiting an act of selfishness. In the packages I recall that selfishness is actually a good thing. It is difficult to maintain confidence that I can be selfish, because I want all people to be happy and enjoy their life, but its not fair for me to have to suffer to make others happy. their happiness is their responsiblity not mine. I want to be 100% confident in all that I do, but I find it hard sometimes when dealing with people who do not believe as I do. I am maybe just being impatient. Mark explained that I need not have “pie in the sky” expectations. I understand it is a process and I will be as patient as one can be. With that being said, I would like to ask, how do I eliminate guilt for my actions, or in some cases lack of action? How do I maintain confidence in all my actions? How do I maintain patience for the results of actions made toward things I desire?