First Meeting Integration

I will start by saying thank you to whomever is responsible for choosing me to become a part of this society and for seeing a potential in me that I too often shrug off. In fact, I was told once by a very influential teacher, that I was a diamond in the rough. That when I finally break through the surface and come to realize my true potential and abilities, that it will be an amazing transformation. I wonder now if he is a member of this society. Although I may not quite understand why I was chosen yet, I know deep down it is meant to be and that many revelations are to come. I have always had the sense that there was something more for me above and beyond most peoples’ yearnings for the greener side of the fence. I am an artist and an animal lover and have been trying to figure out my path for a long time. I really don’t know how to connect my passions to create values but I know in time, that too will come to me. I have always been an emotional person and extremely empathetic towards people and animals as well. Every time I received and read a new letter from Neothink in the mail and while reading the heirloom books, I get very emotional and break down into tears. The material, ideas and emotions can sometimes be extremely overwhelming for me. It’s sometimes an emotion I cannot even describe with one word. It is sadness, happiness, mourning, euphoria, isolation, interconnectedness, pain and desire all rolled into one. It is very strange, but this plethora of emotions is what I believe to be, a release of bottled up anxieties and negative experiences from the past and present being replaced by the positive affirmations of what I am learning now and realizing to be true for the future. Thus, it is taking me a while to finish the books, but I couldn’t wait any longer and decided to attend my first meeting anyway. I will keep reading them and would like to join the secret website with the discussion boards and progress updates. Unfortunately at this time, I am completely flat broke, depressed and unemployed other than being a consultant with a direct selling company with which I had great success in the beginning of my endeavor, but that has since fallen short. I am still very passionate about the product and when things were going good I really did feel like it was Playtime while I was conducting business! It was fun, interactive and inspiring but now it seems nobody has any interest in having parties all of a sudden and never return as a customer to my website or even interact on my facebook business page, which I update regularly. I tried attending a few vendor events. They too were unsuccessful. I have tried talking to other consultants whom are successful and they don’t seem as helpful as they were in the beginning either. I just don’t understand this shift back to depression and failure. Recently however, despite my lack of success and income as an independent consultant with that company, I have found a rejuvenated desire to garden and have all these big ideas for growing vegetables and flowers and creating values and an income by doing so. All of that being said, I guess my question would be, should I focus my energy on rekindling my existing direct sales endeavor that seems to have fizzled out or should I start fresh with the gardening and literally grow a new venture? How does one determine what essence to pursue and does it have anything to do with opportune timing and transition or is a strong personal passion what makes something a success?